My daughter came home in August. My son was born in December. I had zero kids in my house in July, and now I have two that are in diapers. It was a shock to the system. This is no surprise to anyone, including me.
Of course I love my kids, but the reason it was such a shock I think is because there are certain things that keep me sane that I couldn't do anymore. Specifically, finding time to read and exercise. I used to get up early in the morning and read scripture, read other books, and run. It was part of my routine for the longest time. Then all of a sudden I was getting up at the same time(after going to bed much later and getting up two or three times in between) with no break for me. I woke up, feet hitting the ground getting my kids ready for the day.
I still love that time in the mornings with them, but I went crazy for a bit because I couldn't find time to tap into the things that give me life. You can ask my wife, I was in a definite funk.
As the new normal started to dawn on me, and as I'm still trying to find time to read and run, I've come across some passages recently.
"Very early in the morning, while it was still dark, Jesus got up, left the house and went off to a solitary place, where he prayed."-Mark 1:35
This story is one of many where Jesus takes a break from his public ministry to be by himself. Even Jesus, the Savior of the World, had to get away every once in a while. I've always loved this passage because I can relate to Jesus in this way. I crave solitude. I love to be up early, just me and God, me and the quiet. My life is better when I can tap into these moments. As I began to open the pages more, I read passages of Jesus going to a garden to pray, getting in a boat with his best friends to escape crowds, and all other cool things Jesus does to disconnect.
And I envied that.
But as the funk slowly lifted from my life, it dawned on me that I was reading those passages with an agenda. I loved those verses because it's what I wanted to do at that present moment. When in reality that's not what any of the stories are about. The story isn't about Jesus getting away to pray. It's about him healing a leper five verses later. The story isn't about Jesus getting onto a boat with his friends. It's about him feeding 5,000 people. The story isn't about Jesus going to a garden to pray. It's about him going to the cross for humanity. Jesus always disconnected so when he was around people he could FULLY ENGAGE with them.
And that's the damage the funk caused in my life. I no longer cared about people like I said I did. I was a pastor, youth worker, who didn't really care about people anymore. I cared about my family, but really more than anything I cared about my reading schedule and my continually slowing mile time.
So I still crave that solitude. I'm still trying to figure out how I can exercise and read on a regular basis. Not because it's an end. Because when I do it allows me to engage people and be present with them. You see, my story is not about me. It's about God redeeming humanity. I've been blessed to see that unfold over the course of my life, and I'm so excited about who's next. This is how I know the funk is gone.
Of course I love my kids, but the reason it was such a shock I think is because there are certain things that keep me sane that I couldn't do anymore. Specifically, finding time to read and exercise. I used to get up early in the morning and read scripture, read other books, and run. It was part of my routine for the longest time. Then all of a sudden I was getting up at the same time(after going to bed much later and getting up two or three times in between) with no break for me. I woke up, feet hitting the ground getting my kids ready for the day.
I still love that time in the mornings with them, but I went crazy for a bit because I couldn't find time to tap into the things that give me life. You can ask my wife, I was in a definite funk.
As the new normal started to dawn on me, and as I'm still trying to find time to read and run, I've come across some passages recently.
"Very early in the morning, while it was still dark, Jesus got up, left the house and went off to a solitary place, where he prayed."-Mark 1:35
This story is one of many where Jesus takes a break from his public ministry to be by himself. Even Jesus, the Savior of the World, had to get away every once in a while. I've always loved this passage because I can relate to Jesus in this way. I crave solitude. I love to be up early, just me and God, me and the quiet. My life is better when I can tap into these moments. As I began to open the pages more, I read passages of Jesus going to a garden to pray, getting in a boat with his best friends to escape crowds, and all other cool things Jesus does to disconnect.
And I envied that.
But as the funk slowly lifted from my life, it dawned on me that I was reading those passages with an agenda. I loved those verses because it's what I wanted to do at that present moment. When in reality that's not what any of the stories are about. The story isn't about Jesus getting away to pray. It's about him healing a leper five verses later. The story isn't about Jesus getting onto a boat with his friends. It's about him feeding 5,000 people. The story isn't about Jesus going to a garden to pray. It's about him going to the cross for humanity. Jesus always disconnected so when he was around people he could FULLY ENGAGE with them.
And that's the damage the funk caused in my life. I no longer cared about people like I said I did. I was a pastor, youth worker, who didn't really care about people anymore. I cared about my family, but really more than anything I cared about my reading schedule and my continually slowing mile time.
So I still crave that solitude. I'm still trying to figure out how I can exercise and read on a regular basis. Not because it's an end. Because when I do it allows me to engage people and be present with them. You see, my story is not about me. It's about God redeeming humanity. I've been blessed to see that unfold over the course of my life, and I'm so excited about who's next. This is how I know the funk is gone.
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